I was in Germany on business last week conducting a workshop which, in part, explored cultural differences. This week I am in the Dominican Republic on vacation getting some much needed R&R before preparing for a business trip to China in mid-June.
As I travel across the globe on business and for pleasure, I still marvel at the array of cultural differences I encounter, admittedly some are refreshing, while others are perplexing and even annoying.
There is a human tendency to focus on our commonalities across cultures, sometimes minimizing differences that truly do make a difference. When we experience another culture that we are not familiar with, we want to find those intersections of sameness to reduce our anxiety and increase our comfort. We may not venture into the unknown waters of difference for fear of offending, misinterpreting or being misinterpreted or just feeling “stupid”.
To become more interculturally competent we have to lean into our discomfort with difference, be curious and willing to explore those things which may seem strange or odd to us. We also have to move beyond our assumptions that we are more alike than different, that deep down inside people are just people, to deeper understandings of different ways of thinking and behaving that can vary tremendously across cultures.
Cultural differences are often subtle and nuanced. You may think you have connected when in fact you each have different assumptions.
In the workshop in Germany, most participants were now living in Europe or the Middle East; however nationalities ranged from US to Asia and Eastern and Western Europe. The workshop was amazing, lots of questions and good discussion. At the end of each day, we solicited written feedback asking for reflections on things that went well and areas for improvement. Some participants complimented the facilitators for encouraging discussion while others were critical citing too much discussion and not enough “lecturing” from the experts. While you might dismiss this as style differences, which could be the case, there is also a high likelihood that cultural differences were at play. Eastern European and Asian cultures tend to be higher power distance and may expect the “teachers” to be in control and more direct. Lower power distance cultures, such as Western Europe and the US, may have greater expectations of interaction and even the right to challenge the “teachers”. My co-facilitator and I had discussed these potential differences during our preparations and thought we were mindful of them. Even so, we needed to consider additional adaptations in an attempt to meet the different cultural expectations.
Moving on to the Dominican Republic (DR), I had an experience where my direct communication style was received as “rude” by a customer service representative with whom I was explaining my displeasure over certain rules at the resort. Coming from my orientation of the customer always being right, I was taken aback when the representative got up and left indicating that he did not have to tolerate my rudeness. Granted, I was plenty miffed at his leaving at first but after dissecting the situation from a cultural perspective I also realized that the exchange occurred in public where others could hear. It probably had more to do with him feeling disrespected and needing to save face.
In intercultural exchanges we must learn (myself included) to understand the situation not only from our point of view but the other culture as well. I was so concerned with my own needs that I neglected to think about how to best approach my concerns to get the outcome that I wanted. The situation was escalated to a supervisor and eventually resolved but I could have avoided all of the additional “drama” if I had used better intercultural skills.
Not knowing your exact situation in the DR, and not wanting to minimize the possible US vs Dominican cultural differences. I think another aspect that was not mentioned and no doubt played into your experience is one of priveledge vs servant and while we have the idea that the “customer is always right mentality” in the US. That particular mentality is a direct descendant of the servant/master relationships of feudal, colonial and apparthied style “class” & racist systems of oppression. Wealth and priveledge in my opinion are not excuse to be rude to people who work in service industry. Indeed being gracious is far more classy no matter how much money you have or whether you are on vacation.
Indeed. I was not intentionally being rude. I thought I was being direct. I do agree 100% that kindness and graciousness is important in all interactions. I do believe I was misunderstood. As I said cultures are complex and I do appreciate your feedback. Thank you.