It is really hard sometimes to live in a world where I feel that I always have to second guess myself. Was this really unfair treatment? Was it an example of privilege? Was it a micro-inequity? Or am I just hyper-sensitive because I do this work?
I travel a lot and many of the situations that I experience happen in the process of getting from point A to B. Here are three recent examples:
Example # 1: When I go through security lines, I notice how passengers are greeted by the TSA folks who check your ID and boarding pass. Sometimes they are pretty surly but every now and again, you find one who is very friendly, greeting each person with a smile, a hello, or some other small talk. On one such occasion, the TSA security representative was particularly affable. He was making jokes as he checked each passenger, commenting on where they were going and wishing them safe travels. When he got to me, it was as if he was a different person all of a sudden. He looked at me, looked at my boarding pass and license and not a word was uttered. I happened to be traveling with another D&I colleague. She is a white female. I asked her if she noticed the different response from the TSA representative. She absolutely did and also added that it happens frequently when she travels with another colleague, an African American male. My white colleague was directly behind me and got the “happy-greeter” demeanor.
I guess I was looking forward to the “happy-greeting” as travel today can be so stressful. It is nice to have someone who seems to connect on a personal level, even if for a brief moment.
Example #2: I love to fly Southwest. I travel Business Select so that I can be A1-15, the first to board the plane. I was A-4 the other day and wasn’t sure I would get the coveted exit row (I covet it.). Alas, it was still available because there were only about 20 passengers on a plane that seated over 100. It was a two seat row, rather than the normal three seats. The flight attendants encouraged each passenger to take a whole row! Even though it was a short flight, I was delighted that I had the extra leg room. I suffer with back pain and the more I can stretch my legs the better. I was busy on my iPad as other passengers boarded. All of a sudden, I hear, “Oh, the exit row. Is anybody sitting there?” She wanted the other seat, even though the exit row across from us was still available. (I guess she liked the two seat arrangement. The other exit row had three seats across). I mentioned that the plane was not full and that everyone could have their own row. She scowled and pushed passed me to the inside seat. Well, I thought. That was pretty bold. I proceeded to move to my own row. I wondered to myself, why she had insisted on that particular seat given all the others that were available. I wondered too why I acquiesced and did not stand my ground. Even the flight attendant shook her head in disbelief.
Maybe that was not a race thing at all, but I wonder if she would have behaved the same way if a white male was occupying the row. I wonder if I would have responded differently if I were not afraid of the stereotype threat of being labeled an aggressive, angry, Black woman.
Example #3: On my way back later that day on a return Southwest flight, I was position A3. I had moved up one. As you may know, you line up at Southwest according to your number. I was standing in what I thought was the A3 position when a white man came up and stood in front of me, not asking me my number at all. I was trying to peek to see what his number was and when I realized he was A5, I politely mentioned that I was A3. His response, which, by the way, I have gotten several times before was, “Oh, it really doesn’t matter. We’ll all get on soon enough.” I am always stunned when I get that answer. It matters to me. It may mean the difference between getting my coveted exit row or not. I rush to my computer 24 hours before my flight, trying desperately to be in position A1! So again I ask myself, am I being too sensitive? Was this White privilege? Was he, and the others who have done this, just jerks? I know that I would never have the nerve to step in front of somebody in an ordered line. I have learned that I need to play by the rules or there can be consequences that I do not like. I also ask, why did I not insist that he move to his place in line? Am I weak? Do I not know how to stand up for myself? Is it the stereotype threat thing again? Maybe I just pick my battles and recognize that in the final analysis, he was right, it really doesn’t matter.
