We think it is fitting to explore this issue during the 50thAnniversary of the March on Washington and the Equal Pay Act!
As we continue to explore why women continue to be paid less than men for similar roles even at the top levels, I would like to dig deeper into the claims that women lose out because by and large we are not good “negotiators.”
I posit that women are not worse negotiators than men, we just have very different styles. There are pros and cons to each. However, the corporate world continues to more highly value the traditionally male negotiation approach.
When negotiating, women are more likely to be concerned about preserving the relationship whereas a man’s primary concern is more likely to be “winning.” Men are more comfortable using confrontive approaches while women tend to be more comfortable using systemic methods which consider the process by which the problem is solved. Instead of focusing mostly on what they want from the negotiation, women tend to consider what both parties want or need. In one study when men and women were asked to describe the experience of negotiating, women used words like “scary” and “like going to the dentist.” Men said “fun,” “exciting” and “like winning a ball game.”
| Negotiation Styles |
| Women | Men |
| Negotiate to preserve relationship | Negotiate to preserve status |
| Win-Win | Win-Lose |
| Less aggressive | More aggressive |
| Process important | Outcome important |
| Avoid Conflict | More comfortable with conflict |
| Citing personal experiences is the best way to present ideas | Categorical statements are the best way to present ideas |
Men have been socialized to ask for what they want and women to wait to be given what they think they deserve.
Even with all of the research that shows women are disadvantaged in negotiations, women’s more natural styles of negotiating and leading are increasingly being acknowledged as effective. Behavioral scientists and management gurus acknowledge that collaborative, empathetic leaders who focus on relationships and win-win solutions achieve better business outcomes than self-interested, single-focused, aggressive styles.
The inclusion solution rests in accepting and appreciating different styles and ensuring that women and men become more aware of women’s market value, and regardless of how they negotiate, pay them for their worth.
