The Work We Didn’t Do: Make America Great-er

Recently, I was having what I consider to be a pretty good day. Afterall, I was headed to my favorite place in the whole world- Target (say it with a French accent.) There are those occasions when among the most mundane of activities, a lesson occurs. On that particular day, I learned something new about myself, my own biases, and about how I perceive others. To help you fully understand, I have to help you see what happened from my vantage point. 

There I was pulling into a parking spot, readying myself to cruise every single aisle of Target, looking for nothing in particular, but buying everything in sight; because that’s what happens at Target.  

As I pulled into the parking spot however, a large truck pulled into the spot that faced mine. Along the dashboard was a display of not just one, but five “Make America Great Again” hats, proudly lined up across the dashboard facing outwards. The driver was a rather large, bald, long bearded gentleman, who promptly exited his vehicle and entered the store. 

I stayed in my car for a few more moments and a narrative began to take shape in my head. “He’s a bad person,” I thought. “He must be racist.” “Those MAGA hats are the new Klan hood,” and before I knew it, I promptly backed out of the parking space, drove across the lot and found another place to park my car. (What did you think? That I would leave Target altogether? Let’s not get carried away! 🙂 ) 

Now, I quieted the voices in my head, and thought that having moved my car, I was safe from the “big, bad, boogie man Trump supporter” and went about my day.  

As I enjoyed my orderly, aisle by aisle stroll of Target, the gentleman and I crossed paths. I made no eye contact and continued. Apparently, he too employed the aisle by aisle strategy, and we crossed paths again, this time requiring us to squeeze past one another, to which he smiled and said, “Excuse me.” I returned the smile and thought, “Okay, at least he isn’t rude.” On the third time we crossed paths, he said jokingly, “We have to stop meeting this way…I’m starting to think your stalking me” to which we both laughed heartily. 

Now, I said to myself, “Self, he’s actually kind of funny, and well, kind of…kind.”  In this situation, I went from moving my car because (in my mind) he was a racist Trump supporter, to being really reflective. Here, I had attributed so many negative character traits to a man I had never met, all because he had a few hats on his dashboard. I was quickly realizing that, he may be none of the things I was allowing myself to believe and that he was probably just a regular guy, who, like me, enjoys a good Target run. In those few minutes of interactions, this man showed me respect, and humor, and nothing about our brief interactions gave me pause or made me feel that he was any of the things that I had allowed myself to think. 

Let’s be clear, my biases and assumptions are based on some fact patterns I have observed in the media, and the overall complexities of the times- none of which he is either directly or indirectly responsible for. We are extremely polarized- around issues of race and political party- so my initial response makes some sense, but I’m not letting myself off the hook.  

You are probably wondering what happened next. The answer- nothing. I never saw the man again. But since that day a few weeks ago, he has crossed my mind frequently for a number of reasons. First, the interactions forced me to examine my own biases. What made me feel strongly enough to move my car? Why did I give an inanimate object, like a hat, so much power to influence my decision-making and perceptions about a person who I didn’t even know? Second, I saw it as a missed opportunity to be curious and bridge our differences in a civil way. After all, as a diversity practitioner, I have the tools and language- and even the courage to have the hard conversations, even if it is in the middle of the produce section in a local Target. 

Since then, I have reshaped the narrative. Here’s what I might have done if I got a do-over, or we bumped into each other a fourth time: I would tell him that I was taken back by the hats, but that I also recognize that they don’t define him as an individual. I would apologize for my rush to judgement and I would tell him that if we flipped the scenario, I would be hurt and dismayed if, for example, he moved his car because he didn’t want to be parked next to a black person. I would tell him that we all have our own work to do to make America great-er, and that if just the two of us help fill a crack, then we are part of the solution and not adding to the problem. I would tell him that I will continue to do the work on my biases, and hope that he does too, and I would ask for us to mutually commit to sharing our story so that others can learn from it. 

I regret the missed opportunity and hope that he reads this and knows that I did learn something that day. My charge to us all is to seize the opportunities to effect the change we hope for and confront our limiting beliefs, and not be afraid to hold ourselves accountable for our own prejudices and inaction. Let’s all be brave and do better!