A Point of View: All that Noise

Living alone isn’t as easy as it seems; there are highs, and there are lows. I’ve only done it for a few years, and there are tasks I need to do each day to make sure that my environment remains safe. “Why?” you ask. Good question. To understand this a bit more, you probably should also know that I identify as being in the deaf and/or hard of hearing world.  

Let’s begin here; I’ve always lived with people, whether it be family or roommates. Living with other people became like a comfort blanket when it came to what I could or could not hear; you know, the one that you pull onto you to keep you warm and cozy. There are a myriad of sounds that occur in the home: tea kettle whistling, water boiling, smoke detector alarm beeping, an item falling, oven timer going off, a faucet dripping, the volume of the television, my own voice and plenty more. As you can guess, having someone to live with makes things much easier, as I can rely on their ears to tell me if there is a strange sound, or something I am not able to pick up with my hearing aids. 

At night, I don’t sleep with my hearing aids on, which means that I can’t hear any sounds except something immensely loud like a firecracker or a boom of some sort. When I met roommates for the first time, I remember it always being something I shared: if anything happens in the night, “I need you to remember me” because I don’t hear the same sounds at night. This isn’t usually something you want to share with someone the first time you meet with them, and often made me feel vulnerable. I’d get the silent look in the eyes, as if to say, “what have I gotten myself into?” It was different if I lived with someone I knew, or a close friend.  

I remember when I first was faced with the reality of living alone a few years ago; I was pretty terrified to do so. Understand, this had nothing to do with “my independence” or being able to do exactly what I’d like to do without having to worry if I was disappointing someone else that I was living with. It had more do with the many years that I had relied on others to be my ears, and to tell me if I needed to be alerted to something happening in the home environment. I remember one time I was video chatting with my sister, and she alerted me to a sound that I didn’t even know was happening at my place. 

Every day, when I leave my house to go to work, I double check that my sinks are off, and I may glance over at the stove to make sure that it is off as well. Over time, my anxiety has increased to the point where I’m immensely curious about a specific sound, especially if it’s one that I can’t identify or don’t know where it is coming from. Some of these sounds happen outside of the home, or in my neighbor’s place rather than mine. These sounds especially feed into my overthinking and worrying that it is a sound that I need to address and fix.  

One evening, I had my windows propped open to get a breeze in my place, and I remember watching TV with my cat and being a bit drowsy. I had motioned to my cat to cut out what he was doing in a stern voice because I thought he was doing something dangerous. All of a sudden, I heard loud banging, and I was confused. Did that come from the TV? I then realized that one of my neighbors was trying to get my attention.  

I went and answered my door. He seemed very upset and spoke about how loud I was being to not just him, but other neighbors as well, and could I be mindful of the time, and be quieter. I apologized sheepishly, closed the door quietly, closed my windows, turned down my TV, and remember in the moment how uncomfortable I was. In the past, others always alerted by saying, “I’m trying to sleep, can you turn the TV down?” or indicating to me how loud something might have been. I remember tiptoeing around my place afterwards, wondering how loud some things were and trying extra hard to be conscious of my sounds, keeping my windows closed.  

When my neighbor and I were able to communicate further, I gave him my perspective on what I can/can’t hear. It turns out that this helped him to understand that, if he gave a heads-up or expressed to me a concern about a sound, I was able to change my actions. The conversation was productive.  

To this day, I am still mindful of whether I have my windows open, what am I doing in that moment, and what time of day is it, to be respectful to my neighbors. For me, as long as I live alone, I know I will need to make adjustments and survey the environment for potential sounds. I likely will double or triple check things to make sure a sound is not coming from that particular item. Being creative with other means to alert myself to a sound has been something that I’ve explored and am continuing to explore, so that I am making sure that I am keeping myself and the environment around me safe.