Last weekend, Jonah Hill became the latest in a string of celebrities to use a derogatory term. On Tuesday, he appeared on the Tonight Show. In my opinion, we finally witnessed an apology done correctly. He did not make excuses like, “I only said it once.” He didn’t try to compare the outrage directed towards him to being a soldier in battle. He was sincere. He owned what he did. He said he deserved the outrage, because what he said was “stupid.”
Researchers at OSU found that when business people offer an apology, it can help to repair trust and respect in relationships. In a thoughtful apology, people take ownership, are sincere, and offer to make amends. Too often, we apologize because we want a situation to go away, with little thought as to why we did what we did. We try to distance ourselves from our behavior rather than own it. We come up with excuses.
Personally, while I don’t condone Hill’s or any other offensive behavior, I do think we’re too quick to outrage. Let’s face it. We’re all human. We all make mistakes. We’ve all said stupid things. Yet, when someone says something that offends us, we’re outraged. We expect apologies for everything, but we rarely take the next step to courageous discussions…. Why did we feel it was ok to say what we did? Why did we feel our actions were acceptable? Often, that self awareness and those courageous discussions can lead to just the insights we need to learn and grow.
It’s important that we own our mistakes in order to move on, rather than distance ourselves from them. It’s also important to recognize that we’re all human, and allow each other room to learn and to grow from our mistakes. The first step, though, is a sincere apology.
