Previously, I wrote a post about the recent incident between Terry Crews and Gabrielle Union following her exit from and allegations of sexist & racist culture at the NBC Show, America’s Got Talent. You can read my previous take on the issue here — but ultimately, the long and short was that Crews did not do a very good job at supporting Union in his public comments following the incident, and that he owed Union an apology, which I was doubtful he would issue.
Just as my prior article went to post, Terry Crews went back on Twitter to say the following:
I told @KevinHart4real a while ago, he needed 2 “acknowledge the pain of other people.” Right now I have to do the same thing. I want to apologize for the comments I made. I realize there are a lot of Black women hurt and let down by what I said and also by what I didn’t say.
I hear you, I respect you and understand you. I am sorry and I am here to support you. I spoke from my own personal point of view without first taking into consideration someone else’s experience.
I allowed disrespectful comments directed at me and my family to cause me to react angrily instead of responding thoughtfully. This certainly caused more harm, and it is my hope that I can amend any pain I have caused to those who were hurt by my words.
@itsgabrielleu, I want you to know it was never my intention to invalidate your experience — but that is what I did. I apologize. You have been through a lot in this business, and with that I empathize with the struggle toward fairness and equality in the workplace.
@itsgabrielleu You are a role model to the entire black community and in my desire to be professionally neutral as your co-worker, I should have at the very least understood you just needed my support.
Some applauded Terry Crews for recognizing and taking accountability for his mishandling of the situation. His apology seemed sincere in acknowledging the harm caused and providing an explanation, without making excuses for his behavior.
Others continued their criticism of Crews for mentioning himself and everyone else upset by his statements before mentioning Gabrielle Union. His apology also seemed to fall short in specifically offering his support going forward and in acknowledging that it was possible Union’s claims could be true and real, even though they differed from his own.
So, who’s right?
When you mess up and say or do something hurtful to someone:
- Your apology should always begin with directly addressing the person affected. Before you explain your reasons, share your personal reflections or acknowledge peripheral injury to other individuals, you should first and foremost begin with a complete, sincere redress to the individual who bore the brunt of your harmful act. Terry Crews began his apology by discussing a prior conversation with Kevin Hart about homophobic comments Hart had made years prior… then went on to apologize to all Black women. Gabrielle Union was the final thing acknowledged in his apology thread. This was not good.
- Explain what you were thinking when you made the poor choice. This is not the same as an excuse, which calls for others to ignore your error and usually centers your intention over the impact to the other individual. Explanations offer insight into your state of mind and reveal areas where improvement, growth, and healing are needed. Explanations take ownership without dismissing or rationalizing harmful behavior. Terry Crews admitted to allowing negative comments directed toward his family to lead him to respond without fully considering his impact. He expressed desire to make amends with anyone hurt by his words. He also acknowledged that his comments were invalidating to Gabrielle Union’s experiences and apologized specifically for this, as well as not being generally supportive as her coworker. This was good.
- Ask the individual what, if anything, you can do to help resolve the issue and heal the rift caused by your action. This gives the individual the opportunity to express their needs and terms for reconciliation. It helps to restore trust and clarity within the relationship. Terry Crews did not ask Gabrielle Union what, if anything, he could do to heal the damage to their relationship. This was not good.
- Announce what you plan to do differently in the future and/or what steps you will take to make amends with the individual(s) harmed by your actions. Announcing your plan ensures you stay in integrity with your word. It also lets the harmed individual(s) know what to look for in your actions that will be different as a result of what you learned from this event. Terry Crews did not state what, if anything, he would do differently as a result of this incident. This was not good.
The apology Terry Crews issued does fall short in several places. While he takes accountability for his actions and recognizes the overall harm caused, he fails to be specific in speaking to Gabrielle Union at the outset of his Twitter thread apology. He fails to be clear in his position on the original issue in light of whatever he learned during the fallout, and he fails at setting intentions to make amends and do better going forward, with Union or anyone else.
The apology Terry Crews issued does fall short. He fails to be specific in speaking to Gabrielle Union, to be clear in his position in light of what he learned, and at setting intentions to do better going forward. Share on XGabrielle Union has not commented further on the matter to either accept or reject the apology. She seems to be committed to staying quiet on the issue until the investigation is completed, as she previously stated. She and her husband Dwayne Wade have since been in the news expressing condolences and grief following the death of their friend Kobe Bryant and showing support to their daughter, Zaya, who is transgender.
