This is the fifth installment in a series of articles on what it means to have bold conversations about race.
The Winters Group is sponsoring a new feature at The Forum on Workplace Inclusion called Bold Conversations: Calling the Race Card. I started the series asking if we are ready to have bold conversations about race. The second piece explored the complex definitions of race and posited that it is really color rather than race that matters. The third post explored the idea of colorism. The first three posts were designed to provide background for why it is so difficult to have conversations about race. Last week I proposed some skills that are necessary to have bold conversations. This week I will delve deeper into how to put those skills into action.
Let’s suppose you want to start a dialogue with another person on the topic of race. Where do you start? The steps offered below will not necessarily guarantee a positive outcome but will increase the likelihood that it will not be the first and last attempt.
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Step 1: Probe for desire
- “I don’t claim to understand how the recent racially charged events may be impacting you. Is it something you would like to talk about? I am open and would like to learn more from your perspective.”
- If no desire, then leave the door open to discuss at another time
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Step 2: If desire exists, seek common ground
- Remain neutral and non-judgmental
- Know the “facts” as they have been presented from all sides
- Goal is to build trust and reach common ground during first discussion
- May need to keep your opinion out of the first discussion
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Step 3: Decide how far to take the first conversation
- Listen to each other
- Seek first to understand
- Be tolerant of mistakes, misinformation
- Affirm perspectives on the facts
- Do not debate
- Be OK with non-closure
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Step 4: Agree to meet again after time to reflect
- In the interim, gather more facts
- Seek out other opinions and perspectives
- Check your own biases and beliefs
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Step 5: Meet again and again as desired
- Begin to share differences
- Remain non-judgmental
- Try to see the situation from the other person’s perspective
- Be OK if conclusion is agreeing to disagree
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Issues of race are complex and controversial and cannot be resolved in one “bold conversation.” We must acknowledge that it takes time to engage in meaningful discourse and we must also recognize that there are skills that we should learn to enhance the probability of success.
