We are experiencing a cultural shift, y’all.
Simone Biles. Naomi Osaka. Dr. Nikole Hannah-Jones. Mental health. Black Women. Boundaries. In the mainstream, we are experiencing Black women unapologetically affirm their divine right to refusal and rest, and gift us with possibility for what it means to reorient our relationship with “work.” In a culture that values “work” and doing over one’s inherent worth and being, this shift is pivotal. Anti-Blackness would have us believe our bodies are not ours, nor human, and merely tools for production. What I refer to as my “intrapersonal reckoning” over the past year has been a process of disrupting this lie and all the ways it shows up in me—how I see myself, how I exist in community, how I lead.
For me, this work, this intrapersonal reckoning takes what we’re experiencing in the mainstream out of the theoretical and into the practical; it makes the paths of Simone, Naomi, and Dr. Hannah-Jones feel a little less elusive. Inasmuch as they have garnered mainstream attention, each of us should consider the implications for our day-to-day lives. For those of us who have been outwardly supportive of these women comes responsibility to show equal attention to the Black people with whom we are in community every day. Those in our personal circles deserve this same outpouring of support when they too own their agency, model self-love, center care and assert their boundaries. In my experience, that is a bit easier said than done.
For those of us who have been outwardly supportive of Simone Biles, Naomi Osaka, and Dr. Nikole Hannah-Jones comes responsibility to show equal attention to the Black people with whom we are in community every day. Share on XAccording to dominant culture standards—which are grounded in white supremacy, anti-blackness and capitalism—commitment in the context of the workplace has often time been associated with behaviors like working late hours; striving for perfectionism; prioritizing work and productivity over health and well-being; undivided loyalty to company; “falling in line” with the status quo; and always being “on” and “available.”
These behaviors are rarely ever named explicitly as standards or behaviors associated with commitment, but unspoken norms can send a clear message. Likewise, these behaviors are not only valued but are rewarded in many work environments. For those who refuse, there might also be consequences
I have encountered folks who have been inspired by my agency, setting of boundaries, and prioritizing of self—and I’ve experienced scenarios where individuals have been challenged by this, perhaps even made negative judgements about my commitment. I have found myself perpetuating this same behavior and have had to hold myself accountable to not reflexively judge and take offense when someone tells me “no” in service of their own well-being and self-care.
It is all fun and solidarity, retweets and hashtags, until someone we know models radical self-love and asserts their boundaries, and we experience inconvenience as a result. Share on XIt is all fun and solidarity, retweets and hashtags, until someone we know models radical self-love and asserts their boundaries, and we experience inconvenience as a result. It hits different…and reconciling that, in my experience, is the work—that intrapersonal reckoning. This means constantly asking oneself,
What interpretations am I making about how this person is showing up in love for self? What is my reaction saying about me? Where might I be hurting or experiencing some unresolved trauma or insecurity? How might I be perpetuating harm by not honoring their boundaries but instead punishing them for it?
What interpretations am I making about how this person is showing up in love for self? Where might I be experiencing unresolved trauma? How might I be perpetuating harm by not honoring boundaries and instead punishing them? Share on XIf we are not engaging in this work, we can interpret someone else’s self-love and centering of care as an affront to us, a lack of commitment. We might even find ourselves intimidated by it if we feel as though we have never been given permission to do the same. What would it look like if we took this cultural shift and used it as a turning point in how we show up in community with each other, in how redefine commitment and lead with care?
I think about how typically when folks show up to work ill, not feeling their best, the adage has been to value their commitment to the work. That sometimes sounds like, “Thank you for showing up and pushing though, I know it was hard.” “Yes,” to this gratitude… and… imagine a reframe that involved expressing that same gratitude when folks chose to prioritize their care, perhaps not show up. “Thank you for caring for yourself. I appreciate you for prioritizing your well-being.” What a shift.
What if commitment was less about grinding it out and taking one for the team, and more about creating a community of care that prioritizes well-being and celebrates boundaries? What if commitment was less about expecting loyalty to one person or company, and more about carving out multiple paths for impact? What if commitment were less about falling in line with the status quo and more about embracing challenge and conflict as requisite to transformation? What if commitment were less about feeling compelled to do “all the things” and more about building trusting, lasting relationships for collective impact?
{Re}imagine that.
