Last week, we continued our “Decolonizing Diversity, Inclusion, Equity Work” series with a discussion on white supremacy culture. I shared some of the resources and research that have been impactful for me in better understanding how systemic oppression can be perpetuated within the work that seeks to disrupt it. I challenged you, our readers, to reflect on the ways in which the shared tenants of white supremacy culture show up in how you have experienced and do this work. To hold myself accountable to modeling this exercise and not “preaching to,” rather “experiencing with,” I completed this reflection exercise for myself.
We have shared quite a bit as a team about things we should do (and certainly that conversation isn’t over). At this juncture in the series, we’ll be modeling the self-reflection we know is required for us to be the most effective consultants, advocates, and most importantly, humans, we can be. My thoughts are a reflection on my current and past experiences working in the DEI space as a consultant, internal D&I lead, student, and community advocate.
The Complexities and Politics of Survival, Complicity, Disruption
One of my good friends has this phrase, “It ain’t easy being woke,” and if that ain’t the truth, I don’t know what is. The more I become aware of the ways in which white supremacy has defined our reality in the most covert ways, the more I struggle with negotiating, reconciling, making sense of what it means to be a Black woman who has learned, internalized, benefitted from the system, all the while working in a capacity where my end goal is to disrupt it. How do I balance the need to survive and live within this system, while not becoming comfortable with complicity within the system, and actively disrupt it? I don’t have all the answers, but this is the essence of my reflections. It starts with understanding my experiences and behaviors and thinking more critically about them.
The more I become aware of the ways in which white supremacy has defined our reality, the more I struggle with negotiating and reconciling what it means to be a Black woman who has internalized, benefitted from the system, all the… Share on XHow does white supremacy culture show up in how I live, lead, work, and interact with others?
Perfectionism is the tenant of white supremacy culture that stigmatizes mistakes, prioritizes critical feedback over recognition and appreciation, dedicates little to no resources to reflection or identifying lessons learned that can improve practice. This is further complicated by Sense of Urgency—a characteristic of white supremacy that normalizes unrealistic deadlines, reactive thinking, and unfair labor (too much work for too little).
When I think about how ‘perfectionism’ as a characteristic has shown up for me, I think about the cultural messages I learned young, one in particular: “You need to work twice as hard to be seen as just as good.” I get why my father found it an imperative for me to know how my Black womaness would influence others’ perception of my brilliance…AND I now also recognize how this sentiment could easily show up in how I lead—the expectations I set for myself, my team. The ‘prove them wrong’ sentiment, while motivating, can be to the detriment of engagement; it could be fatiguing …and maybe even normalize unrealistic standards. When you throw in “passion” for the work, it can lead to burnout.
Similarly, I have tracked sense of urgency in my work. In my interpersonal interactions, I experience this as the need to immediately react to things said or done, particularly when it involves conflict or disagreement. It also shows up in how I’ve engaged with clients or worked with others—“Sure I can get this done!”—knowing full well it’ll present significant inconveniences and challenges or may require I compromise my own boundaries. This is commonplace for me, and in some ways, I’ve normalized it with self-talk like, “Well, I just work well under direct pressure.”
Another thought that comes up for me is the way sense of urgency can perpetuate the unfair compensation for hard work or lack of compensation for emotional labor. Recently, a peer/someone in my professional network challenged me in my thinking around compensation trends in “social good work.” For a long time, I had agreed with the widely held belief that when you do work aligned with your passion and values, you should see that as an extension of compensation (in some ways) and be glad about it. This sounds like, “Not many people get to do work they love and are passionate about, so that is a perk.” This is perpetuated systematically when altruistic, social good roles are paid less than those associated with money (e.g. finance and sales), or tangible forms of innovation (e.g. technology), and when people are expected to do “good work” for free, low cost. This is problematic and worth interrogating.
For a long time, I had agreed with the widely held belief that when you do work aligned with your passion and values, you should see that as an extension of compensation and be glad about it. This is problematic and worth… Share on XIndividualism is another tenet that I’ve been thinking more about—particularly in this work, and more specifically in external consulting. This characteristic of white supremacy prioritizes competition over collaboration, and can even influence one’s capacity to delegate as it purports the thinking that, “if something is to get done right, I have to do it.” In individualistic cultures, we ascribe more value to those who can get things done on their own without guidance or supervision.
I’ve been trying to make connections to how this shows up for me, my role, this work. I think about how DEI consulting exists in the context of capitalism—this work must be competitive in order for us to pay the bills… AND I wish there were more opportunities for collaboration and coalition building. What would it look like to normalize amplifying each other’s work (especially the work of BIPOC) versus competing to “one-up” it? What would it look like to share the “marketplace” more intently? I’ll own that I’ve internalized fears associated with other consultants “stealing our work.” When I really think about it—it sounds silly! Our work is to change the world, so the more the merrier, right? The more exposure and breadth, the better, right? I don’t have answers, but these are some initial thoughts and reflections. As a self-described overthinker, I have many more 😊.
What would it look like to normalize amplifying each other’s work (especially the work of BIPOC) versus competing to “one-up” it? Share on XIn the meantime, here are some things I’ve committed to doing differently:
- Destigmatizing rest and work/life boundaries by role modeling and centering both in team norms and processes.
- Embracing the need for “pause,” especially in this virtual climate, in my communications and approach to solution identification.
- Setting realistic expectations and deadlines that consider multiple experiences, perspectives, and processing modes.
- Tracking how and the frequency by which I give feedback.
- Amplifying the work of other thought leaders in this space.
Decolonizing this work means decolonizing ourselves—our thoughts, our culturally learned behaviors, what we’ve learned about surviving and success. We’ve got to start somewhere. Why not with self?
Decolonizing this work means decolonizing ourselves—our thoughts, our culturally learned behaviors, what we’ve learned about surviving and success. We’ve got to start somewhere. Why not with self? Share on XI am appreciative of you for reading and I think this is only the beginning. A new LinkedIn connection of mine recently posed the idea of a virtual coffee chat to engage in some group reflection and discussion around this and the previous post. Nothing too formal—just another way to keep this conversation going. If this is something you are interested in, feel free to shoot me an email at brittany@wintersgroup.com
I was really struck by the acknowledgement that there is great challenge in living within the dominant system and trying to change it. I have heard the adage of “a bad system will beat a good person every time” and I do want to believe it is possible for an alternative, but yes, oh yes, it is hard, hard work. Thank you for this reflection. I am chewing on your words.