In both my personal and professional life, colleagues and friends have often described me as “cool, calm, and collected”. My personality is relatively easy-going, and I do not often find myself easily frustrated. I attribute most of my demeanor to my faith, which I believe instills a sense of peace and trust when I encounter new challenges.
Although I am passionate about my opinions and beliefs, I usually find ways to express my feelings in ways that are not threatening or dismissive of others’ thoughts and perspectives. However, I never considered just how much my “cool” demeanor affected my ability to have full, authentic conversations and discussions, particularly within my personal relationships and at work.
Earlier this year, one of my colleagues pointed out to me, “Na Shai, we never see you upset.” At first, I took this as a compliment. I thought I had succeeded in balancing my composure and professionalism. But as I started to think more about their words, I wondered if there were any deeper implications. What did it mean that I never showed up as angry or frustrated? Was it a deliberate action?
As a Black woman, I am very intentional and careful about how I “show up” to others. Don’t be too loud. Speak slowly. Don’t talk in slang. Don’t talk too much – it looks like bragging. Wear your hair straight when you meet new people. These messages have been reinforced by experiences in every stage of my life and even as I entered the workforce. I did not feel that I had the privilege to express frustration, anger, or even disappointment in my personal and sometimes, professional, relationships.
Last spring, during Women’s History Month, Twitter erupted over the hashtag “BlackWomenAtWork”, which Black women used to share their experiences in the workplace as a “double minority” in both gender and race. The Twitter campaign addressed everyday racism, bias, privilege, and microaggressions that Black women face with their colleagues, teams, and even supervisors, which impact productivity and engagement in the workplace.
One stereotype continually highlighted included the trope of the “Angry Black Woman”. Many tweets shared stories of how passion or even thoughtful curiosity was mistaken for anger, aggressiveness, or a lack of a cooperation. Perpetuated in media, literature, popular culture, educational environments, and the corporate world, this stereotype stigmatizes Black and African American women as overly aggressive, dominant, critical, and masculine.
This is a stereotype that I realized, unconsciously or, in some cases, consciously, I had been trying to navigate and avoid throughout my career.
Being true to yourself, particularly in spaces where you may be the only person who looks like you, can be difficult. According to a 2013 Deloitte study, approximately 67 percent of women attempt to cover or hide who they are in the workplace. Covering included factors associated with appearance, affiliation, advocacy, and association – how likely individuals were to identify, associate, or affiliate themselves with other members of their respective demographic. Deloitte found that not only did covering have a negative emotional effect on those who did cover; it also decreased their commitment to their respective organizations.
Unfortunately, I believe the percentage of women of color (and other underrepresented groups) covering at work is higher than the statistic that Deloitte found – because it is not something that people are always willing to talk and have dialogue about. But what is the cost?
In 2018, Catalyst explored the “emotional tax” that both women and men of color face in the workplace when they are “on guard” and feel that they need to change their behavior, appearance, or other factors related to their race or gender in order to mitigate the impact of biases or discrimination. This “emotional tax” is detrimental to both employees, from a health and social perspective, and the organization from a talent and innovation perspective, further highlighting the importance of authenticity and inclusion in the workplace. Simply put: If people do not feel that they can bring their full selves to work, there are consequences that impact the bottom line.
Without the freedom to be ourselves, we cannot hope to contribute fully to our organizations or communities. And while there are systems and processes in place that reinforce bias and discrimination, we all must play a small part in both having the courage to “show up” as who we are and in encouraging others to do the same.
