Inclusion is a Journey: Challenging Exclusion, Making Mistakes and Succeeding through Purpose

I consider myself an “advocate developer,” which I would define as someone who disrupts the status quo in a manner that is client-focused to achieve organizational goals. A focus on being a better “advocate developer” led me to create two products in 2018, the “Leading Inclusively” and “#MeToo Imperfect Ally” assessments and workshops, and to modify my facilitation approach during workshops.

A significant learning for me this year involved the tenet of living by the Golden Rule. During learning sessions, we often juxtapose the “The Golden Rule” and “The Platinum Rule.” The Golden Rule can be defined as treating others as you would like to be treated, while the Platinum Rule is treating others as they would like to be treated. We usually offer the Platinum rule as a more culturally competent position.

Well, during a conversation with a religious scholar about The #MeToo Imperfect model, he shared with me that the “Golden Rule” could arguably be the only universal and highest moral axiom the human species has ever produced.  Its positive form “love your neighbor as yourself” or negative form “Do not do to others what you hate having done to yourself” has been expressed in Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, Sikhism, Confucianism, and Greek philosophy just to name a few ancient sources.  Suggesting that the rule is problematic (a sacred rule to billions) might insult some, which was not my intention. He sensed that my Platinum rule incorporates the correct interpretation of the Golden Rule which forces reciprocal thinking directed towards the “other”.  In fact it demands it.

We agreed, it is not the rule, it is the “misinterpretation” of the rule. Our conversation led to a modification of the first model I developed this year: The #MeToo Imperfect Ally.

The first steps in the model are reflection and acknowledgment. After thinking through my conversation with this religious scholar, I wanted to be clear what is meant by the Acknowledge stage:

We are imperfect! We have made mistakes! The rigid implementation of “gender-blind” policies, or the misinterpretation of “live by the golden rule, “or “treat others as I would like to be treated,” may have unintended impacts of minimizing or entirely missing issues important to women.

After taking the #MeToo Imperfect Ally assessment, another learning for me was that while I may have good intentions in wanting to be an advocate and developer of solutions for gender equity, my behavior may not always achieve the desired impact. I recognized two areas where I wanted to improve, and I would challenge you, especially men, to consider the following:

1. Do you address gender bias when you hear or see it? For example, I had become aware of my tendency to interrupt others, men and women, when they were talking, so I am working on being a more active listener and highlighting the viewpoints of others when they are not acknowledged.
2. Do you sponsor and advocate various genders for leadership roles in your organization? For example, I remembered that I had mentioned a woman for an advancement opportunity but was not being a proactive advocate.

I followed through on these challenges and actively listened to many women and men about their experiences regarding gender equity. Many of these stories made me uncomfortable, and I struggled hearing opinions such as “Women are looking for men to be perfect, when many women are co-dependents in promoting sexual behavior” and “Men need to be afraid, experience the fear that I did, if they are going to change.” I believe all this feedback contributed to developing an assessment and product that was balanced, practical and well-received.

In facilitating workshops, I let go and did not hold on so tightly to models and processes that I had developed. I attempted to be more flexible in the moment and challenged myself to be present for participants. I developed workshop guidelines to create a balance of content and discussion and to allow more time for participant-led discussion. Finally, I recommitted to facilitating sessions that have a high degree of utility for participants. I think these guidelines worked well for our clients who are motivated by embedding concepts into existing processes to deliver tangible outcomes.

For one client, we discussed how cultural competence could be embedded in HR capabilities and processes, and how models such as Performance Squared could generate diverse, inclusive, and high-performing teams.

Finally, this year I continued my journey towards more inclusive leadership by spending time in self-reflection. Most recently, I participated in the ConantLeadership Boot Camp to develop a leadership model that reflected my strengths and values. The Boot Camp is led by Douglas R. Conant, an experienced Fortune 500 CEO with over 40 years of leadership experience at world-class global companies. During the boot camp, I re-affirmed my purpose, core values, and key practices:

Purpose: To be an effective bridge among people, particularly during times of intense cultural polarization

Core Values & Key Practices:

1. Gratefulness: expressing gratitude and appreciation for benefits received
   • Practice: Telling at least one person every day how much I appreciate their existence in my life
2. Resourcefulness: finding quick and clever ways to overcome difficulties.
   • Practice: Making an extra effort to utilize client processes and tools to raise engagement effectiveness
3. Wisdom: seeing the way things are, and discerning what to do about it
   • Practice: Reading more, particularly articles from individuals with a different political viewpoint
4. Utility: implementing useful and functional solutions
   • Practice: Using my workshop guidelines to ensure time for participants to interact and make a plan for how to leverage session education in their personal or professional lives
5. Renewal: restoring yourself and others to a fresh, vigorous spirit
   • Acknowledging the achievements of at least one person every day

The Boot Camp prompted me to face my biggest personal and professional challenges. Personally, I will prioritize gratefulness and renewal. Professionally, I will better connect with men, particularly white men, who predominantly hold the most senior roles in corporate America. I hope my emerging Leadership Model provides a roadmap for how these executives can foster diverse, inclusive and superior performing teams.

In summary, I am optimistic that my declared purpose, core values, key practices, and leadership model will make me more culturally intentional in 2019. I am hopeful that my journey this year will allow me to better support people in valuing their uniqueness and understanding the impact of their intersectional identities on their personal and professional lives.

Key takeaways from 2018 are reflected in the Leadership Model and may be a helpful resource for you as you consider your inclusion journey this year and look towards next year:

1. Reflect on how your cultural background influences your beliefs and values. In completing The #MeToo Imperfect Ally assessment, I had to reflect on how my gender might impact my views on “appropriate” male and female behaviors.
2. Acknowledge that your perspective may not reflect someone else’s experiences or values and shouldn’t diminish their perspective. A key purpose of the Leading Inclusively assessment and workshop was to help leaders create work environments that are diverse, inclusive and high performing.
3. Engage by listening to hear and understand, not to refute or minimize someone else. Active and reflective listening is essential in helping people of all races, socio-economic backgrounds, sexual orientations, and other differences feel heard and valued for their uniqueness.
4. Empower by gaining congruence on intent, behavior and impact with others. We tend to talk about empowerment in generalities, the Power Dial makes clear the personal, relational and professional actions a leader can take foster superior performance.
5. Achieve by being flexible with methods while maintaining accountability for results. While leaders must provide direction and establish boundaries, it is essential to afford flexibility, have trust, and foster creativity to achieve organizational goals.
6. Renew by injecting humanity and conscience into interactions. A leader not only cares and has affection for people and communities for which they are familiar, but also helps those to whom they are not familiar. If they do, their sense of purpose and well-being grows and re-energizes them.

I hope my personal and professional reflection and growth will allow me to a more effective “advocate developer” for inclusion, and I hope that sharing my journey this year provides you with food for thought on yours.