Many years ago, I worked with a colleague who rubbed some people the wrong way. You know that person. He works at your office, too. Every workplace has that employee, the one who sometimes seems…off.
My coworker was a nice guy and generally did a good job, but his “attitude problem” didn’t fly well with some senior people. He’d been told this numerous times. His manager even suggested that perhaps his role wasn’t ideally suited for him, that he might want to consider looking for a new job.
So my colleague was hardly surprised when he was called into HR one day and fired. Not laid off. Fired. Though he expected this day would come, the experience nonetheless left him angry, hurt, and bitter. “I did a great job,” he told me. “I got my work done. They told me they didn’t like my personality but didn’t offer concrete feedback or coaching.”
“If only they knew,” he added.
“Knew what?” I asked.
“Knew that my wife had suffered through multiple miscarriages in the past few years. So yeah, I came to work miserable sometimes. Hearing about other coworkers getting pregnant or going to baby showers at work probably affected my mood. It was really hard for me.”
My coworker went on to explain that he’d never told his manager or any other colleagues about the terrible events of his life. “It wasn’t their business,” he insisted.
He’s right. His private life was his to choose not to share, but would his experience been different had my coworker confided in his manager? I think so. Had his boss been aware of the context surrounding my colleague’s behavior, she could’ve supported my coworker by offering more time off or referrals for mental-health counseling. But without that understanding, it was impossible for her to get at the root of her direct report’s “attitude problem.”
Or was it?
My colleague’s manager always seemed to me to be a good manager. She appeared to care for those around her. Surely, she must have wondered why one of her employees was often not feeling, or acting, right. She could’ve asked, “Is something wrong? Is there anything going on in your personal life that perhaps I can help you with?” Yet perhaps she also thought to herself: “It’s none of my business.”
And so it’s unfortunate that something that was seemingly no one’s business ended with a termination. But who should’ve been the first to initiate dialogue? This isn’t a game of chicken. Both parties could’ve—and should’ve—taken responsibility.
I’ve said this many times: No one ever bonds at work over an Excel spreadsheet. We are all better employees, better leaders, better people when we share our lives with those around us. Doing so enables us to sympathize and empathize. Most importantly, it enables us to help each other with work and with life.
The next time you’re going through a difficult time, think about asking a coworker for help, even if it’s just to talk. Likewise, if you suspect the person next to you may need help, offer it. It’s that simple.
