Stories from the Front Lines: Demote Me Please!

Several years ago I was asked to coach a high-potential African American woman who was climbing the ladder in a major corporation. As a matter of fact, Natalie (not her real name) was the first woman of color to achieve her level as General Manager in the organization. The Chief Diversity Officer asked me if I would coach Natalie because while her “numbers” were off the chart good in terms of bottom line performance, she seemed to be struggling to fit at that level in a traditional male-dominated culture.

In her 360-degree evaluation, the majority of her raters perceived Natalie as setting extremely high standards for herself and others, being relentless in her desire to achieve goals and supportive of her direct reports. The raters thought Natalie had some “blind spots” as well, namely that her passion could be misinterpreted by some as aggressive and rude.

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Some of Natalie’s 360 Positive Feedback:

• Passion for excellence and people. Great diversity of knowledge. Attacks issues head on and doesn’t shy away from conflict. Has respect for others and keeps people whole.
• Ability to have tough conversations. Willingness to discuss difficult matters/situations. Fearless.
• You are an action driver and results oriented. You have high integrity and your marketing expertise is a great skill to have in your role.
• Tells it like it is, and willing to have the hard conversation.

Areas for Improvement:

• Restraint with body language and gestures.
• More consistent / often feedback and development conversations to assist in building our careers.
• Listen before taking action. Ask more questions before coming to a conclusion.
• Passion may come across abrasive at times, continue to seek balance in how you seek and provide feedback.
• Be more of a team player; participate in after work activities.

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Natalie was given feedback on an incident where her “passion” was seen as negative by some of her peers and superiors. She had been asked to take on a special project in support of more effective ways to use technology for data storage. Natalie decided to develop a novel presentation for a topic that could be considered dry and boring. She used theatrics and highly expressive approaches to keep the audience engaged in the presentation. Immediately following, several people came up to her and said how much they enjoyed her presentation. Natalie was gratified. She had nailed it! Several days later her immediate supervisor called her into the office to provide a different view on her presentation. He said that several of the top leaders thought it was unprofessional, “preachy” and inappropriate. Natalie was stunned but accepted the feedback. When we discussed this incident during a coaching session, Natalie said after reflection, she could understand where the “preachy” comment came from. She is the daughter of a minister and she said that unconsciously she probably incorporated some of her father’s dynamic style into the presentation. She was frustrated that rather than rate her on the content knowledge and ability to come up with some innovative solutions (there was general agreement that her solutions would work), she was criticized for her style—that there was no room in the culture for different presentation approaches.

Natalie wrestled with another “requirement” of the culture which showed up on the 360 as her needing to participate more in after work activities. She shared with me that leadership off-sites often were geared around activities that she did not enjoy such as golfing, hiking, and sitting around the bar drinking. One time the team had organized a boating trip and Natalie was criticized for not participating with the rest of her team. She said that her reluctance was her hair. The moisture from water would have caused her hair to “frizz” and completely lose its style and she was afraid of no longer looking professional.

Natalie was extremely frustrated by the “requirements” of the culture for her in her role as a senior leader. There was a very narrow perception of acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. Natalie was struggling to conform and in so doing was losing her sense of self. As a matter of fact, she decided that the price was too high to be in that role and she asked to be “demoted” so that she would not have the pressures that she experienced. They were taking a toll on her health and her family.

As we think about why women of color are not staying in leadership positions, we can think about Natalie’s story as one of many similar experiences.

If you have a “Natalie” story, we would like to hear from you! Share your stories in the comment section below.