This is a scenario that I have heard at least three times in the past three years from three different people in three very different organizations. Two are in the corporate world and the third was in the not-for-profit sector. Here is a summary of each of the stories told in “their words” (just one summary because the stories are essentially the same).
I can’t believe this. I just had my performance review and my boss says that I am all out for myself, not a team player. I am too visible. I get too much attention publically and that I need to not always be the one in the limelight. My boss told me that he had just looked at the diversity report that my team put together and I appeared in the report 20 times while the CEO only appeared 4 times. My boss was not in the report at all. Well, I thought to myself, it is because the CEO only showed up four times and you are not in the report because you were MIA for all of the events.
Then he says, we have never had anybody quite like you on our team. Most of the folks in our organization are more introverted and I think they are at times overwhelmed by your passion and directness. They think that you take over and are not collaborative. Then he goes on to say, I must acknowledge that you have brought in a lot of business since you have been here and that you have raised the visibility in the community which has enhanced our reputation. It is because of your efforts that we have received several awards to recognize our community service. You truly are an asset to the organization. I just think you need to tone it down some. At our next big conference rather than you kicking it off, we have decided that John (not his real name) should do it. He needs to be more visible. Some think that you are really out for yourself (self-aggrandizement) rather than putting the company’s interest’s first. Some wonder if you are doing it for Mary or for our company.
Wow, I thought. On the one hand you say that I am an asset. I have surpassed all of the goals in my annual plan but yet I am not good enough because you think I am too boastful, too much about self-praise? Relative to collaboration, I have tried and gotten the cold shoulder and so I knew if I did not accomplish the goal, I would have been evaluated at the end of the year as “did not meet goals.”
My boss just does not seem to understand that everybody is not willing to support me. Partly because I am new and have different ideas about how to add value and perhaps because of some unconscious bias that a person of color is not supposed to be “so good.” I work so hard, put in long hours and have achieved some significant accomplishments on behalf of the organization. I thought they would be proud of that. So now I am not sure what to do. If I “tone down” as has been suggested, do I lose some of my authentic self? How can I get more cooperation from my peers when they don’t seem to really want to collaborate? Is my style and approach cultural and they interpret it as being boastful? Do they take my self-confidence as arrogance?
