Like Kendrick Lamar’s verses in the song Rigamortis in his iconic album, Section8.0:
And this is rigor mortis, and it’s gorgeous when you die…
And just like that, there is a dichotomy to death. Believing in death is also believing in life itself.
Rigor Mortis is a medical term, describing “temporary rigidity of muscles occurring after death that usually lasting from one to four days.” But we can also see it as a metaphor for when something “ends” in your life — it can pierce your heart, psyche, and overall demeanor as you try to realign.
For me, embracing “Rigor Mortis” has been vital in learning how to appreciate the fact when there is “death,”– which could take on a multitude of meanings (such as end of a friendship, relationship, or job termination,) there is also life that follows afterwards.
For me, embracing “Rigor Mortis” has been vital in learning how to appreciate the fact when there is “death,”- which could take on a multitude of meanings - there is also life that follows afterwards. Click To TweetWhen experiencing a death unexpectedly…
It occurs without notice especially when you set your life for success by going to the “right” schools, moving to the “right“ location for its high employment rate, and choosing the “right” career for you at the moment.
When achieving and receiving accolades of success, it can feel like you’re on cloud nine, like the proverbial “grass” is actually greener on this side; but what happens when the grass that seems perfect is actually a facade? This was my experience recently.
I graduated from Michigan State University (Go Green!), moved to the east coast to springboard my life socially, economically, and professionally. I wanted to experience a faster pace of life that was vastly different than my Midwest upbringing, in hopes to further my skills in the education and nonprofit fields. At the time, this was my “why” in terms of my personal life and positive contribution to society.
At this point, I was living life on the brighter side. My bills were paid, my “framily” (friends who turned family) was established, I had a roof over my head, and a job that I liked. I was managing programs, building and reconstructing budgets, giving my intellectual property, and furthering my skills to move forward to advance in my career. It felt and looked good. In reality, I was experiencing a false sense of value; suddenly, my world came crashing down when I “resigned” from my job (and I use this loosely) that I thought was secure and safe.
Due to socialization and workplace optimism, I placed the organization in front of my own needs thinking that they had my best interest in heart because equally, I had their best interest in mine. Like a blindside hit from Ray Lewis, I realized I was only a widget in their organizational machine. Like any tool that we use until we are finished with, we throw it away, similar to how some may treat their human capital when a better opportunity for the organization presents itself.
I realized I was only a widget in their organizational machine. Like any tool that we use until we are finished with, we throw it away, similar to how some may treat their human capital when a better opportunity for the… Click To TweetAs we all know, life can shift in an instant and a termination of a relationship or job can occur at any time, shattering our world as we know it. When we experience a death, there is still life to be lived; hence, rigor mortis.
When experiencing rigor mortis…
As I stated previously, rigor mortis is the “temporary rigidity of muscles occurring after death…” and although short-lived, this is the window of opportunity to grab the last bit of life before you ultimately give up your forward progress.
“Resigning,” being terminated from a job, experiencing a death of a family member, or a relationship (familial, romantic, or platonic) can feel stifling, perhaps likened to running out of lives in a video game.
But think about this…
Similar to a video game, when a player runs out of lives, one is eventually given the option to continue by starting a new game or end the game entirely. This is your moment to make a decision. Whether to continue or just say game over. In a game, you have this option, but in this game of life, you don’t.
What you can do is put your game face on, grab hold to the life you have left and attempt to make a change for you. This can happen minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour, one day at a time, or as Brianna Wiest eloquently stated, “In this life, we can only control what we can control which is our behavior and how we react to situations,” — good or wicked.
After my “resignation,” I could not control the following:
- Who were the drivers of this decision?
- What did I do to deserve this?
- Where were my missteps that allowed me to not see the “resignation” happen?
- Why did this happen to me?
- How did this decision occur?
- How could I not see the signs?
Understanding that job loss and unemployment depression can occur at any moment, I decided to embody the feeling of rigor mortis and control what I could control of my current and hurtful situation. Smith, Segal, and Robinson (2019) explained that:
Job loss and unemployment involves a lot of change all at once, which can rock your sense of purpose and self-esteem. While the stress can seem overwhelming, there are many things you can do to take control of the situation, maintain your spirits, and come out of this difficult period stronger, more resilient, and with a renewed sense of purpose.
And that is exactly what I did. I took control of my situation, attempted to maintain my spirits, and began my journey to renew my new sense of purpose.
I took control of my situation, attempted to maintain my spirits, and began my journey to renew my new sense of purpose. Click To TweetControlling the situation means…
Changing your environment. Changing the way your space looks. Changing your daily routine or changing your residence (if you can). After experiencing job loss, I immediately moved back to Michigan to be closer to home. Closer to family.
I decided to make myself more uncomfortable by moving home to figure it all out instead of trying to “be an adult” and figure it out on my own in the east coast. As difficult as it was, I put my pride and ego aside and realized that backward steps do not equate to failure.
I put my pride and ego aside and realized that backward steps do not equate to failure. Click To TweetGoing back allowed me to realign, reassess, and readjust to look at the bigger picture of what transpired and how I can grow and ultimately learn from that experience. Taking this approach better positioned me to figure out what makes me happy, to keep going and recover.
Maintaining my spirits means…
Doing things that matter most to me. That meant spending time and catching up with family. I also began building and rebuilding relationships and volunteering with my local Boys & Girls Club. I stayed busy by reading more, staying physically fit, writing, sleeping, and eating an occasional frosted honey bun every now and then.
With a slew of positive and negative thoughts that constantly swirl through my head, I am avoiding the natural emotion of beating myself up by asking those questions I mentioned earlier, reassuring myself that I am qualified, loved, and a positive contributor to society without wishing ill-will towards those who treated me unjustly. By embodying this mindset, I am experiencing a renewed sense of purpose. A hard factory reset if you will.
Having a renewed purpose means…
Staying grounded. Being unemployed while searching for a job gave me time to figure out and constantly ask myself:
- What do I love?
- What makes me tick?
- How do I keep going?
- What do I want to do next?
Asking myself these questions allowed me to write a lot more, reengineer my business, and find purpose in things that are not married to a full-time position that (I thought) gave me purpose and propel me into my career.
I realized that everything does not have to be a passion project to renew my purpose in life and sometimes that happens by getting a job only for income. As Millennials, we tend to believe that everything that we invest our time in must align directly with our passion, but we should also hold space for those things that are adjacent to our passion. Actually, most skills and experiences that we endure in this life are transferable. It depends how you choose to perceive it — the glass half full v. the glass empty adage.
Controlling the situation, maintaining your spirit, and renewing your purpose is not only hard work, but it is heart work as well. The heart work involves digging deep in your psyche and becoming more introspective while trying to rediscover yourself in this vulnerable time.
Controlling the situation, maintaining your spirit, and renewing your purpose is not only hard work, but it is heart work as well. The heart work involves digging deep in your psyche and becoming more introspective while trying to… Click To Tweet
Maya Angelou beautifully stated that “every storm runs out of rain.” Whenever there is rain, you are either prepared with your umbrella, raincoat, and/or rain boots, but if you are unprepared, you still weather the storm because you have to get to where you need to go.
As hard as it is to recover from unexpected events such as a termination, I learned that there is greater purpose- you still have a period of rigor mortis to readjust, reassess, realign, as often as you need, to meet your goals and dreams.
