It is amazing how we never forget some experiences no matter how many years pass since the incident occurred. There are just some things that you don’t forget even though you may have forgiven the perpetrator. However, all of our life’s experiences, whether positive or negative shape our worldview and who we become and we are always in the process of becoming.
Early in my professional career I experienced sexual harassment and was too afraid to tell anyone. I was in a role where I had quite a bit of exposure to the senior team (i.e., the CEO and his direct reports). Even though I had just completed an executive MBA program as one of four who were chosen each year for this honor, my new role included ensuring that the executives pre-read materials were prepared and that the refreshments had been ordered. If in a meeting, I had the audacity to offer a point of view on the topic under discussion, the executives looked at me as if I had just blurted out some curse words. So I learned early on that my role was to be seen (well maybe not even seen) but definitely not heard.
One day during another one of these key meetings where I had prepared the notebooks and ordered the coffee, my boss asked me to close the blinds because the sun was in his eyes. I thought to myself, there are others who are closer to the window but of course I complied with the order and sat back down. About a minute later, the VP that I was sitting next to put his hand on my knee. Wow, what was going on here? Was he consoling me because he could tell from my body language that I was not happy about being asked to close the blinds or was this some kind of inappropriate touching? My mind is racing. No matter the intent, it is still inappropriate to touch a woman in the workplace in this way. What do I do? Remove his hand? Get up again, maybe pretend I have to go the rest room? Just move my body in a way that his hand would naturally fall away. He was sitting to my right, so I turned to look at him and he immediately removed his hand.
I never mentioned the incident to him or to anyone else. I certainly did not report him to HR. After all, he was a powerful man in the company. Would they even believe me? And even if they did, my career would probably be over.
As I look back over my decision not to say anything, I regret it. Perhaps I could have spared other women from sexual harassment. Maybe it would have been a defining moment to eradicate such behavior at least at that company. It takes courage to stand up to these types of situations. But not just courage, you need allies and advocates who will stand with you. I did not think I had such support back then. I am optimistic that it is a very different climate in the workplace today.
