Egotistical, narcissistic, attention seeking, being “extra” and “doing too much” are all terms and phrases I have heard used to describe basketball star LeBron James over the past week. The interesting part is that these comments do not stem from actions or behaviors he has displayed on the basketball court. They don’t stem from some sort of altercation he had with fans or media off the court. These comments are in reference to the excitement and exuberance he recently displayed during one of his son’s AAU basketball games.
However, I don’t want to focus this around what individuals call LeBron, but rather a term to describe the many individuals who criticized LeBron. More specifically, and even more troubling, I want to focus on how many Black fathers have publicly shamed LeBron for the excitement that caused him to literally jump out of his shoes. When I was talking with a friend about how I felt about this topic and sharing how troubling it was for me to see so many Black fathers tearing LeBron down for this, she mentioned the term “internalized oppression.”
I had never heard of this term before, so it was brand new, and eye-opening for me. The term simply means, “when an oppressed group comes to use against itself the methods of the oppressor.” We are so used to the narrative of the absent Black father, or our lack of ability as men to fully express ourselves, that we have become uncomfortable watching a father love, admire, cherish and appreciate the gift of children the way in which LeBron James does.
We are so used to the narrative of the absent Black father, or our lack of ability as men to fully express ourselves, that we have become uncomfortable watching a father cherish the gift of children the way in which LeBron James… Share on XFor years, Black fathers have been challenged to “step up,” so much so that former President Obama once said, as it relates to taking the gift of fatherhood seriously, that Black fathers have “abandoned their responsibilities, acting like boys instead of men.” I find this statement, and similar sentiments, to be ironic–and frankly quite comical in light of the recent controversy surrounding LeBron James’ sports parent etiquette (or “lack thereof”). The backlash he has received is troubling to say the least. For as long as I can remember, the proverbial Black father has been chastised, negatively portrayed, demeaned and inappropriately labeled as absent.
Here we have a father, a Black father, who could use every excuse not to be present at this “meaningless” summertime basketball game. Yet, instead of feeding into the false stereotypes of Black fatherhood, he is present. And not only is he there, but he actually takes the time to interact and express emotions that men are oftentimes conditioned not to express.
Who gets to deem what is acceptable “sports parent” behavior? Who has shaped our views and opinions on what is appropriate parent praise etiquette? For me the answer is simple: NOBODY! I will not accept what society tells me is the appropriate way to celebrate at my daughter’s dance recital or root for my son at his pre-school graduation. I’ll be the loud father with the blow horn on graduation. I’ll be the father with 10 bouquets of roses at the debutante ball–and it’s no concern of yours if I chose to do so. It is my belief as a Black father who has endured so much criticism and critique—the same criticism that the entire fraternity of Black fatherhood has had to endure—that we are owed the right to be “Extra.”
It is my belief as a Black father who has endured so much criticism and critique—the same criticism that the entire fraternity of Black fatherhood has had to endure—that we are owed the right to be “Extra.” Share on XSo, to all my Black Fathers: Go, be “Extra” for your kids today. Go above and beyond the normal, acceptable, conformability level of praise. “Do the most” in the name of affirming how proud you are of your children’s accomplishments. Go out there and lose your shoe on the basketball court of your children’s daily lives. And be UNAPOLOGETIC as you do it.
So, to all my Black Fathers: Go, be “Extra” for your kids today. Go above and beyond the normal, acceptable, conformability level of praise. And be UNAPOLOGETIC as you do it. Share on X
