Azealia Banks has a question for you. The bisexual rapper asked on Instagram, “Why is it okay….. For a gay man to colloquially use the word ‘Bitch’ to refer to women, but is it not okay for me to colloquially use the word ‘Faggot’ to refer to myself or an opponent?”
She goes on to half-answer herself: “Do gay men get a special pass to say misogynist things simply because [of their sexual orientation]? The argument is that countless gay kids hear the word ‘faggot’ before they are beat to death… But do you know how many women hear the word ‘Bitch’ before their husbands beat them to death? Before they are murdered/raped….?”
Let’s break this down. Banks assumes that many, perhaps many gay men, really do believe it’s OK to call women bitches. I couldn’t find a Gallup poll on this, but I do think there’s merit to her claim. I also think many women call each other bitches. But I also think that Banks unfortunately ignores context in her social-media rant. Yes, people hurl “bitch” and “faggot”—and let’s stir “nigger” into the pot too—in derogatory ways all the time. But meanings of words are never fixed. They depend on who’s saying them, how they’re saying them, and to whom they’re saying them.
So let me answer Banks’ question: It’s OK to use such words, under certain circumstances.
Now, I know many readers will disagree with me. Indeed, there’s a widely held dictum that white people can never say “nigger.” Like, ever. As in, ever! And black people continue to debate the acceptability of the word within their community. However, when a word is clearly used jokingly or non-threateningly or without prejudice, then I see no problem.
I’ve had friends call me a faggot, and they have not all been gay. I’ve called many friends a bitch, and they have not all been women. In the context of playful greetings or lighthearted humor, I never took offense. Neither has anyone else, to my knowledge.
That said, there does seem to be a difference between calling someone a bitch versus calling someone a faggot when done in anger. Perhaps the distinction lies in the notion that when you call a person a bitch, even in anger, it’s usually not an inherent attack on one’s gender. But when you viciously call someone a faggot or a nigger, what is that if not an assault on one’s being?
What do you think? Are such words ever acceptable? Let the bitching begin…
